She Who Walks Alone
by Skyelyr Shepard
Summary: Love is a pleasure Shepard has denied herself, for her sake and for the sake of those closest to her. This doesn't stop them from loving her anyway. "She Who Walks Alone" is a collection of thoughts from those who knew the best, and most importantly, loved her the most. Currently featuring Garrus, Liara and Kaidan, with more on the way.
1. Garrus

**Garrus**

The others weren't looking too hot. If someone had asked for his opinion, he would've guessed they were all mourning for much of the same reasons. This woman, they were all devoted to her in ways far beyond typical commander-to-subordinate relationships.

Love, he guessed. They all love her. We all love her. Yet she'd never...

He knew damned well Shepard hadn't done it merely for her sake. She isolated herself not only in compliance with Alliance regs, but also to save whoever it might be; correction, whoever it _could've_ been, from the heartache and headache of loving a woman with the most dangerous job in the galaxy.

He never really thought of her as a person who even needed that kind of love. Her passion, her pleasure; it came from a job well done. She was no doubt attractive by human standards so Garrus had begun to wonder about it. It seems she never needed something as trivial as love to keep her strong.

He never knew he'd need it.

He began to notice her as a woman perhaps on that day she'd come to rescue him from the merc army on Omega. Through his scope he'd seen her and was surprised by his physical reaction to her face; her eyes, her skin, her form striding and covering and shooting had made something well up in his chest he could only describe as a sort of warmth. Then she'd confided in him, and asked him to watch her back with the Cerberus crew she did not quite trust and finally when she did, he'd cemented himself into the position of her right hand man and it felt good.

_There's no Shepard without Vakarian_ she'd said. It made him want to claw and kick and smash something. _I've let you down, wherever you are I promise you won't be alone long_ he said to the rainy London skies as he watched the empty coffin be carried down the aisle. His eyes were blurry. _Damn rain_.


	2. Liara

**Liara**

Sometimes she wondered (because that's what she did, she wondered, right?) about why Shepard had said no. It was a sweet and delicate refusal touched with perhaps a bit of sadness but it had been so obviously a no she sometimes shook her head with embarrassment, all these years later, at that rash action.

She sometimes shook her head too in laughter at how naïve she'd been back then. So young. A mere few years later (a pittance really, in an Asari lifetime) but she knew more, she saw more, she appreciated the little things more. But truthfully she felt less. A great tiredness hung over her now. The brink of destruction and one remarkable woman saves a galaxy, and yet when she thought about that woman she still remembered that day in the dim lighting of the first Normandy, in that funny little room she'd thought of as her office and Shepard's soft hand on her face for just a moment.

It had made her ache in ways she'd never known possible when Shepard turned away with that bitter look on her face.

Over the years she realized she and Shepard were friends. And she learned many things from her, and even perhaps thought she taught Shepard a few things, after all she _was _a doctor.

She missed her every day though. A holo-frame of Shepard's softly smiling face stood on Liara's beside table, easing the nightmares when she'd wake up sweating and panting and swore there were husks right there RIGHT THERE outside her door. Then she'd roll over and stare into Shepard's clear green eyes and drift off to sleep and every time, right before sleep claimed her, a soft hand would brush across her cheek and she would sigh in pleasure. But it always was gone too soon.


	3. Kaidan

Kaidan

_If only you weren't such a bumbling idiot!_ Ash would say in her usual straightforward tone.

_If only I weren't such a bumbling idiot_ he had said to himself every day since… well he didn't want to think about it. _If I could go back I'd tell her, without a second thought _he always told himself then the circle of self-doubt would begin again.

He could never truly admit to himself how far out of his league she'd been. She was too beautiful. And when you made it past the dazzling smile and full lips and other features that made him groan restlessly even years later, she was just too good. He was a rule follower, true, and he could admit he had a good head on his shoulders, but she just _understood things_. He didn't know how she'd flowed around the battlefield like that, or came up with rousing speeches off the top of her head or brokered peace with impossible odds or had been capable of reducing him to a pile of jelly with a single stare.

He sits among friends, years later, his fiancée at his side, in a crowded bar to celebrate his engagement. Yet he still steals away amid the festivities for the pleasure and privacy of the cool rainy night to collect the feelings within him. He loves this woman, right? Their love is everything a battered and bruised soul like him should need: it's soft and sweet and refreshing.

But he can't dismiss the feeling he is betraying _her_. He still sees her face, so close to his, her eyes and her lips so close to his. He still feels the first touch of her gentle hand in his, even if only for a moment.

He prefers not to remember how she cleared her throat and stepped back firmly. He prefers not to remember her last touch, when she'd pushed him aboard the Normandy before racing away into the light.


	4. Thane

**Thane**

Her eyes. He had always loved her eyes. He could read much off most members of her species but the only portal to Shepard's inner workings were her eyes. He'd stare into them, feeling the hum of the drive core, so near, his forearms resting on the cool metal table before him.

She is smiling, her eyes crinkling at the corners in a way that makes him smile back.

"Um, I think my translator just glitched… what did you just say?" she laughs.

"Siha," he says calmly. "Someday, I'll tell you what it means."

Her eyes narrow playfully.

"So goddamn mysterious Krios. But I'll get it out of you eventually."

"No doubt," he says, a joyful smile crossing his face.

He feels so happy.

He hears her reading with Kolyat but the voices are distant and tinny. _It's only right, _he thinks as he turns toward the window, _that my last memory be of you, Siha. _

_See you across the sea. _


End file.
